I’ve had an idea lately that my human’s were going someplace. Not sure just where, but someplace. Nothing has been said to me, but I don’t think that I will get to go (there’s been several clues). I haven’t been consulted about anything. Normally my human tells me everything and asks my advice about whatever she is planning. Sometimes I don’t think that she can make any decision, large or small, without asking my advice. I mean, she asks ME if she should get some new clothes (to me that’s a silly question since it’s obvious she needs fur). Clothes are so boring, not much pattern or texture to them. And talk about being rough! Noting is rougher than clothes that humans have to wear. I don’t care what kind of fabric it is. It’s either too rough or you slide off of it. I can’t decide what’s worse – if you start to slide and put out a claw to stop yourself from falling, they holler at you (don’t they know that when you fall, it smarts a little?) Humans can be so dumb sometimes (even mine, and I thought they were smarter than your average human). At any rate (I get sidetracked every time I think about humans and their clothes – such a waste) . . .

My human was talking about going to see one of her kittens (I’m not sure which one). IF it’s Jennjenn in Florida, she will let me come. In fact, she will INSIST that I come along. She really APPRECIATES me. When I get there, I”m pampered just the way I should be. I’m given the softest place to sleep, usually with her or her kitten, Cieara. Sometimes I sleep with Stephen, her tom kitten. NEVER, NEVER, NEVER do I sleep with their purrperson, Jake!! He’s much too conceited. Its true he is a nice size, almost as large as me. BUT, he’s a Maine Coon and NOT an AMERICAN short hair. He has way too much hair for Florida. They shouldn’t even allow Maines in Florida. They get too hot. They should only allow American short hair purrpersons in Florida. Anyway, I don’t even mind the long drive. I get in lots of good naps. My human gets me lots of good treats. I get new toys (one of the best parts of the trip, other than the naps). The way the car moves, lulls me to sleep. Its like laying in a rocking chair that moves gently by itself. I’m really looking forward to the trip. We haven’t been to Florida for awhile.

She got out her backpack and her belly bag. That’s such a silly name. Bellybag. True, it adds to her waist and just hangs there. Wonder if it flaps when she walks? Guess that I will have to have her try it on for me so that I can see if it does flap. I won’t fit in it. Its very tiny (about the size of a four week old kitten . . . okay, a two week old kitten). She didn’t put anything of importance in it. She put in some strange looking card like paper and some rocks with bands on them and some folding green paper in another little pouch. Not sure what all that stuff is, but I know that it has nothing to do with me and I don’t like that at all.

I got into her back pack (I think that she carries that on her back, but I’m not sure). It’s the color of my eyes so I knew it was meant for me. I was able to get all the way into it before she noticed me. She had a book in it. It wasn’t my book or the one that I’m writing now and it didn’t have a soft fabric cover on it either. HMMM . . . She had to pick the backpack up to move it and when she did, she almost dropped it (I’m heavy but not that heavy – she must not have picked it up wrong). She even zipped it up before she moved it. When she got it back on the bed and I moved . . . THEN she unzipped it and looked in. THEN she saw me. Thought for a minute she was going to faint. She told me to scat!! I can’t believe she said that. She told me that I couldn’t ride in it. She had to put other things in it. I asked her what other things? Then she made a list, the camera, the trip book, etc, etc. etc. I asked her where was I going to ride? She looked at me as if I had fleas and told me that I wasn’t going on this trip. That I had to stay here and watch everything. It was my job to train DJ and Whiskers on how to take care of everybody. I told her in no uncertain terms that I was going with her to Florida to see Jennjenn. She agreed that when they went to Florida to see Jennjenn that I would be going. BUT they weren’t going to see Jennjenn. They were going to see Amy.

“But why?! I want to go see Jennjenn!.”

“ Now Jay, stop pitching a hissy fit. When we go see Jennjenn, you can go. I promise. “ My human made promises, but I just can’t believe her. “ Jay we will talk more about this later. Maybe then I can convince you that you can’t go.”

I ignored her the rest of the day. In fact, when she came into a room, I left it. I didn’t want to have anything more to do with her. When the tom human came home, I asked him. HE never tells me a lie. I think that I like him best. I guess that I will concentrate on just training him from now on. Not that he needs much training. NOW my old human does. I’m going to give up on her. She isn’t worth trying to train anymore. She won’t take me to see my new niece, Angel. After all, my deputy, Crosseyes could train Whiskers and DJ.

Later on the humans started packing clothes. They got out the suitcases and lots of silly clothes from the closet. First one suitcase was opened and they put in some scratchy blue cloth, denim, I think they called it. I got in to the suitcase to see just how soft and comfortable this fabric was while my human’s back was turned (didn’t want her to see me). I had to turn around a few times before I could find a soft spot. When I did, my human looked at me and picked me up and told me again that I wasn’t going. We did this for over thirty minutes -- them putting stuff into the suitcase and me climbing into the suitcase to find a spot to sit on. The more stuff they put into the suitcase the less space there was for me. She would put something into it, and I would climb on top of it, get settled down into a comfy spot and then she would put me down and tell me that I wasn’t going on this trip. Got tired of hearing her voice say the same old things over and over. Got tired of her NOT listening to me.

Later on, after we both had cooled off, I took a nap and my humans had a cup of coffee. We talked. My human put me in her lap and told me that for my own safety I couldn’t go on this trip. She told me that she didn’t like the idea of me having to ride in the cargo hold of the airplane. Said that I would get too hot and be in a small carrier so that I couldn’t move around very much. When we fly, she told me that she wants me near her. She also said that I made any trip better for her. Then she said some sweet things in my ear that I’m too embarrassed to tell you. She couldn’t bring me in the cabin because they weren’t flying back. They were taking the train back and the silly train didn’t allow purrpersons on it (that’s a stupid regulation). She told me just how much that she would miss me. She said that she knew that everything around here would be fine with me in charge. She told me that my grandmother would watch us for the first three days and for me to be patient, then DJ and Whiskers would take over. She said that DJ and Whiskers loved purrpersons and maybe they would bring Firecracker over for him to meet us. My human said that Firecracker was handsome and very nice and that I would like him. But she also said that she felt easier when she knew that I was in charge. That I had a great way of training new people and that I knew DJ and Whiskers anyway. She also said that DJ would listen to me and do as I suggested. After hearing all this, I still didn’t like the idea of them going anywhere without me. I know that as humans they think they can get around without me, but humans aren’t as smart as they think they are and they need a purrperson or a barker to take care of them. In my case, I have a full time job taking care of these two. And only rarely do they really appreciate me.