Last week I heard my humans talking about going to New Orleans. I've never been there and wanted to go – I hear the food is wonderful. But the more that I listened, the more I realized that just my human was going, not the Tom human. She was planning on going with my editor. That’s when I knew I could talk her into letting me go. I might not have been sure of my human, but I knew that my editor wouldn't mind my going. I decided to play it cool and not say anything to anybody about my decision until the last minute.

The day finally got here and my editor showed up. She came into the house to speak to me (we really did have a lot to discuss). Since my translator and my editor were taking this trip together, I knew that it would be a business conference and I had to go -- after all it would be about my work. There was lots of talk (including the stupid kind that only humans understand), head butts and purrs, etc. before they decided that I could go too. FINALLY !!!!

We start loading my stuff into the jeep and that's when I discovered they were really going to a cat show. I hadn’t originally been included, but PEE TUN was!! There isn't ANYTHING more vain than a Bengal and HE'S the worst (the two old guys that live here, I've finally trained . . . to be quiet -- thank goodness!). I knew then that the trip would be very long and very hard. Here I thought we were going to a business conference, but what did I know???? While the humans were talking their nonsense, Pee Tun and I talked. Well . . . I listened and he talked (couldn't get a word in edgewise) -- as conversations go, it wasn’t much, but we talked. When he FINALLY shut up, I told him that this was a business conference about the stuff I was working on with the two humans. HE had the audacity to tell me that we were going to a show for him so that he could get an international award at the end of the show season. BIG DEAL!! I have one and I told him so, in NO uncertain terns. He didn't believe me. He told me that no one would give me anything because I was . . . FAT!!!! I'm not fat – I'm just a little plump! Since I'm retired, I don't have to watch my weight as closely as I did before. And I told him that. He laughed (the jerk)!!

We finally got to New Orleans, after hours and hours of driving with nothing to eat. When they stopped for lunch, they forgot to feed us. Pee Tun just laughed – AGAIN! He wasn't hungry he said because he had to keep in show-trim. Riiiiiight! Once we got into our room, my human set up a show cage and put me in it. This is the first time that has ever happened in a hotel room! I always get the run of the place – but NOT this time. Pee Tun had the run of the human's bathroom (BIG DEAL). At least I got to eat. I talked my human into letting me go with her and my editor when they went sightseeing (I am a published author after all and that entitles me to certain privileges – not that I seemed to be getting many of those ).

First we took a taxi to the ferry landing and then the ferry across the river – riding on a boat feels kind of funny, even being held on my human’s lap. After crossing the river, we started walking. I guess I should say my human and my editor started walking. I was being chauffeured in my human’s big black tote bag -- VERY uncomfortable but that was the only way I could go (Pee Tun had to stay at the hotel -- hehehehe). I looked out and saw all the traffic and the mob of people walking and talking in all languages under the sun. Some of it sounded very nice. Made me think about taking up a foreign language soon – maybe Japanese or Australian or Italian? I’ll have to give it some thought. When they finally got to the French Quarter, the number of people doubled . . . or tripled . . . or quadrupled!!! I couldn’t see anything except people!

One of the first things we did was stop for beignets and coffee. My human had coffee, while my editor had the excellent taste to order milk -- unfortunately, she didn't share (nobody would have noticed milk being poured into a silly black bag). My human gave me a small bite of her beignets, but I really wanted the milk. Then she got a coffee mug for my human grandmother -- right? – that, naturally, I had to carry around with me in the black bag. It’s not as if there was enough room in that silly bag for me, much less anything else. After having a snack, they stopped and had their tarot cards read. That's so stupid! I mean, what can you possibly learn from a bunch of cards? Body language I could have understood, but not cards. My human’s biggest worry was the success of my writing although she had the nerve to call it HER writing. My editor was being silly too and worried about the new magazine being a success. I have TOLD them both, repeatedly, that the magazine and my work are going to be HUGE successes, but NOBODY listens to me! As the only staff cat and a genuine author, I know about these things. Otherwise, why would I waste my time with it? I knew my human could be goofy sometimes, but I expected much better out of my editor. Obviously, I still have a lot to teach them. After that they decided to keep exploring, looking into store windows and into the clubs but not stopping to shop. Finally they stepped into a shop and booked a walking tour – just what I needed, more time in the silly bag and no food. While we waited for the tour (and waited and waited), we ended up eating a quick dinner at La Madeleine in Jackson Square – at least, the humans got to eat. The food didn't smell very good and when I ask for a nibble I was told that it was too rich for me and to please keep my voice down (that's when I wanted to bite her)! I could see my ribs by that time, for gosh sakes -- I was shrinking away before my very eyes. I hadn’t had a bite to eat in HOURS! And it was going to be a very, very long night.

We met up with the rest of the tour group and I find out its about vampires, of all things. I can honestly say that there was cute human leading it. I will grudgingly admit it was interesting in some respects, but it was way too long. After two long hours we finally got a taxi back to the hotel and I finally got to eat – I was so weak from hunger it was all I could do to drag myself to the food. I know I lost at least one pound from all that walking I did. And my silly human, she really seemed to enjoy all of it! I can’t help wondering if she's getting stranger.

Saturday morning early, Pee Tun had to take a bath for the big show (big deal) and then he had to groom himself. All he did the whole time was talk. He told me about going to the Tucson show and getting to fly on an airplane (big deal, who cares – as the ginger haired lady used to say, been there and done that). But I was nice since he considered me a guest. I listened . . . and listened . . . and listened. And then, I listened some more. He didn’t even let up when we all went to the show hall. I had to stay in my carrier (not a hardship at that point, let me tell you), but I got to hear everything was going on. My human met a really nice lady with a lovely Bengal girl she kept calling her Sweets. She was a beauty (the cat, silly!). I thought, briefly, about trying to set her up with Pee Tun. But then again, maybe not. She was far too cute for him.

My human was supposed to pick up a chocolate Munchie boy while she was there, but didn't. I’m not sure why and she didn’t volunteer any details. She looked at the Baron, though. He could be considered a knockout!! Not as good looking as me, mind you, but definitely a LOT of potential there. I wish that Rainysmear was that good looking – oh well. He was with a pretty Snowshoe girl. I wanted at least one of them (preferably the girl) to come home with us, but it didn’t happen. Unfortunately, my human has the devil of a time working with the shy ones. So I guess it was for the best really. Later I heard that Miss Cathy and Miss Jane were taking her home. Big Al is in for it. ‘Shues are fun – well, maybe not Rainysmear, he's just a pest.

My human watched Pee Tun get his finals. Of course, he bragged about it. I didn’t turn off my ears, but I sure wished I could have. So he's a handsome guy, but then, so am I. You don’t hear me bragging about my good looks all the time.

The my human got some funny slips of paper at the raffle table, about 100 of them. She and my editor started looking at these things and some of them had numbers. She ended up with a few good cookbooks (no recipes for me or anything as good as what’s in my cookbook) and some cat toys. You can never have enough toys. She shared some of them with Pee Tun (I would have too, when I got to it). I’m not sure what else she got -- all I know was that none of it was for me. In my opinion, she wasted her money (definitely not enough toys).

Later that night, after the show, lots of humans from the cat show went out to dinner. I got to go too (take that, Pee Tun). NO ONE saw me in my human's tote bag. We had to wait a long time for a table, but Sweets’ human was telling some good tales about an F1 cat (whatever that is) while we waited. My human loved those stories and wanted to hear more. We finally got a table (at last) and I was in the corner (much better place to hear from). My human was listening for a change to Sweets’ human and my editor talk about genetics. The look on my human's face was so funny. Miss Ceee really knows what's she’s talking about. At one point I thought that I was going to have to explain it to my human but the food came instead. I got to eat one stuffed shrimp (it was too spicy for me, but at least I got to eat something). The shrimp part was very good, but the stuff around it was all wrong. It should have been stuffed with tuna and catnip – now THAT’S a great combo. We left there after several hours (or so it seemed to me) and went back to the hotel where I got to eat some great junk. Told Pee Tun all about dinner – he had to listen to me for a change, hehehehe.

When you’re talking about a cat show, who can tell Saturday and Sunday apart? The next day the show was the same as the day before – boring. Pee Tun bragged like crazy but I was getting used to it. My human went shopping (so what else is new – same ole, same ole). Then we headed for home. The trip home was long and tiring (although, Pee Tun did shut up and take a nap). My human and my editor finally spoke about my book (took them long enough) and other things that I'm too modest to tell you about. One of the things that my human did say was she was self educated. I know that it bugs her big time that she never finished college. I always thought it was what you knew, not how you learned it that counted. I’m not sure if I’ll ever figure her out. I sure was glad that I went on this trip, but was even more glad to get home – I’m just not that fond of riding around in a tote gag. Never again . . . well . . . maybe again.