As a published author, I think it should be unnecessary to introduce myself to the world. My editor and translator/secretary, however, do not agree with me. Therefore, I am going to tell you ALL about myself – then we’ll get to the good stuff.

I am a feline of the American Shorthair persuasion. I was born in Houston, Texas and I’m a suave, sophisticated 35 years old. My parents (feline of course) are Jointventure The Bear of Greystoke and Greystoke Dot. My human at that time was named Carol Sue (I refer to her as the ginger haired lady these days). I still live in Texas but I don’t think I’ll tell you where since you might want to steal me for yourself. Today’s human is called Dot (I think it is more than just a coincidence that my feline mother and my “human” mother have the same name) and her Tom human is called Dan.

When I came to live here my old grandfather, Big Red, had not been doing a very good job. As a retired show cat I felt it was my honor bound duty to get the nerds already living here into some kind of shape. My human realized very early on that I am a natural leader and like to be in control of all things feline. It only took a few days for them to decide I could easily handle even more responsibility. I knew I was the best choice for the job, so I added whatever other responsibilities I felt I needed as well as those they gave me. The Tom human leaves early in the morning five days a week (I’m not sure where he goes or what he does) and he told me I needed to look after my human and protect her while he was gone (as if I didn’t know how important that was). My human told me to watch out for the nerds that live here (that’s not what she calls them, but that’s definitely what they are). She calls me the sheriff (a title I richly deserve). I think that I am another pair of eyes for her. When they’re gone, I’m in charge (of both, the nerds and the house) and I do a great job (even if I do have to tell you so myself). Since I’ve been sheriff, no tigers or elephants or mice (or any other monster for that matter) has gotten into the house. Some strange humans come around every so often, but I really can’t control those. Since my human is so busy, she leaves most of the nerd’s discipline to me. She gets to do the fun stuff like feeding us and making sure we have fresh water and all of the comforts of home and best of all, playing with us. Of course, with me its mostly work and now that I’m a writer (my human is now my translator/secretary), my workload has doubled and tripled (and quadrupled – basically it just never ends).

I need to fill you in on my humans so you’ll understand how we work and why they leave me in charge so much. They have been showing cats for a long time, first in CFA and then for more than ten years in TICA. They are still showing (even though they never take me!). My human tells me I am too plump for the show circuit (I tell her HA! I’m still one of the best looking guys she’s got). Now I have to tell you that when I was on the show circuit I did great! I’ll have you know that I’m a Supreme Grand Champion -- but enough about that, back to the story. They have several nerds, including some of my relatives, that are certified Therapy Cats (they are certified with Pets and People of Meridian, Mississippi - they didn’t take me). For several years they worked with the Orange County Humane Society (here in Texas) and have been trying to get a shelter built in the county (right now there isn’t one). I keep telling them how to get a shelter built, but they do not listen to me. All I get are deaf ears when my suggestions are put on the table. If they would just listen to me, the shelter would already be a done deal. I know how important this is (I see all of the dead and starving cats and dogs when I get to go for a ride with my humans - there seems to be a dumping ground around our home). The Tom served on the Board of Directors while my human served as Secretary since 1993 (that’s where she got the training to be MY translator/secretary). With them gone so much, you can see how important my job is.

Every month I’m going to give you the lowdown on what’s what when it comes to cats. I’ll be covering the really important stuff – play time, dinner time, cuddle time, dinner time, how to train your human, dinner time, the best places to eat and sleep, . . . and did I mention dinner time yet?

The first thing I need to tell you about are Munchkins. I am an authority on this new cat breed, let me tell you, and what I call them isn’t printable (but that’s beside the point). These guys have the SHORTEST legs of any purrpersons that I have ever seen (and they are unbelievably hard to ignore when they live with you) and I’ve seen a lot. In my time I’ve lived with Persians and Exotics and American Shorthairs and lets not forget that. I also used to be on the show circuit.

These little short guys come in every color of the rainbow. We even had a purple one here for a week or so. The chocolate lady that was with him was cute as a bug with all her pretty long haird (made me wish that I wasn’t a retired gentleman cat). You can even get them with short hair. They all share the opinion that they are the best (boy have I got news for them -- but I’M THE BEST and they’re just going to have to get used to the idea). You can tell they think they’re SOMEBODY -- you know what I’m talking about -- the body language, tail up in the air all the time, always under foot, strutting around, always thinking they can have whatever they want (trust me, we’re going to be having a few friendly chats in the near future).

These little critters (and little is the key word here) weigh in at a measly six pounds. Of course, there are those who are a bit heavier, especially the guys. Me, I’m a little on the chunky side, weighing in at a mere 25 pounds (give or take a little), but it’s all muscle . . . well . . . most of it anyway. And for such short purrpersons, they sure can run. I know because I chase Millie every chance I get. I never manage to catch her, but I keep on trying (all the time as a matter of fact – how else am I going to keep my gorgeous shape?).

Now, I can’t honestly say this about all Munchkins, but the ones around here like to play hide and seek. They hide and I try to find them (they can get into some VERY small places). I found Millie underneath the bookcase one afternoon and she laughed at me. She knew that I couldn’t get to her under there. Another time she she managed to get on top of the refrigerator. Did I tell you they can jump too? If I hadn’t seen it with my own eyes, I would have sworn she had to have help to get up there. I’ve actually seen Millie jump from the floor to the chair to the table to the cabinet to the top of the refrigerator. When she gets up there, she just sits and grins at me ‘cause I can’t do it. I mean, I can jump to the top of the cabinet in one or two leaps but I don’t even attempt the top of the refrigerator. Why waste my time, all of the good stuff is inside, not on top. Despite what she may tell you, my weight and build have nothing to do with it. It’s just superior sense.

My humans like them around and under foot all the time (I do not understand why, but there you have – humans). Granted, they can purr nicely and they would make good lap cats (of course, not when I’m in the lap in question -- I’m a lapful all by myself). They do like my humans, especially Millie, and my humans seem to enjoy their attention (Millie gives really good head butts – of course, I had to teach her how to do it right).

If I remember what my humans have said, and they talk all the time, the Munchies were first discovered in Louisiana, Canada, and around Galveston, Texas. They are said to be a spontaneous mutation, which happens on rare occasions in the domestic cat. It’s called a spontaneous autosomal dominant mutation (read that over my translator/secretary’s shoulder while she was looking at the TICA standards). They are supposed to have a modified wedge shaped head and the whole guys can be a little jowly. Their back legs are supposed to be a little longer than the front ones (really). It seems that in the front legs, the long bone is what is shortened. They can have bowlegs, but that’s not really good. Judges (not to mention the standard) want them to have straight legs with the front feet straight out in front and not turned to the side in any way. Surprisingly, they also come in a long leg variety, too. If my understanding is correct, the long legged Munchkins don’t have the short leg gene and can’t make short babies unless their ladylove is a shorty. On the other hand, when the mom’s give birth, they can have both short and long legged babies in their litters. That can happen even if both parents are short. I don’t really understand how this happens, I just know it does (I’ve seen evidence of it with my own eyes). Talking about legs, cow hocks aren’t allowed no matter how long or short their legs are (found out that means that their back knees can’t touch each other). They also have to have a straight back -- no swaybacks allowed. Cobby bodies like mine are against the rules too (don’t understand why, it’s one of my best features!). Remember earlier, when I said they come in all colors? Pretty much anything goes -- like having white lockets and buttons.

They’re not all bad I guess. I have to admit that they have one thing going for them – it doesn’t take long to give them a bath (my tongue doesn’t even tire out when I give Millie a lick and a spit). They’re fun to snuggle with too. I like it when she puts her head on my tummy like it was a pillow or something (she purrs me to sleep when she does that). I suppose I like them (don’t mind having Millie around at any rate). There’s even a rumor about my grandfather and the first Munchkin to come and live here. It seems there was a cute little Munchkin lady who stopped by the door, took a look around, and then went to stand underneath my grandfather. Don’t know if that’s the truth or not, but I do know that they’ve been great pals ever since I can remember

Jay Onebrowntoe oversees the household for Dan and Dot Cox who have been showing cats for the last 15 years. They started out showing household pets which they continue to show. After their first year on the show circuit, they got their first Bengal cat. They bred and showed them for several years (they still have two of the old guys who are living out their retirement years with them). Showing and breeding Munchkins has kept them busy for the last six years. They were on the board of directors of their local humane society for the last eight years until it disbanded in September of this year. They continue to help in rescue work whenever possible.